Proverbs 16:33 "The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord."

I'm beginning to notice that Karen is definitely more tired toward the afternoon and early evening. I know that many of you are slapping your forehead and saying "duh! What else would he expect to see after major surgery", but I have always admitted that I am slow on the uptake when it comes to things like this. For Pete's sake, when we were dating Karen had to tell me THREE TIMES that there was no future for our relationship before I finally understood. Fortunately she was wrong :) but the point is still the same. I often need the obvious to be hammered into my head a few times before I see how obvious it really is.

Aside from the fatigue, however, Karen is doing remarkably well. She was noticeably more energetic this morning and when my Mom called she commented that it sounded like the old Karen.

I am also pleased to announce that Karen has now reached a real milestone in her growth as a patient. She actually passed up a fun opportunity this afternoon realizing (without help) that it might be a bit much for her at this point. Usual she only acquiesces after receiving a volley of "No" missiles from me and any other family and friends in the vicinity. This was momentous for her because it is the first time I can recall that I've heard her admit without "help" that she might need to rest. For Karen this is an epiphany of the 1st degree. When I heard her turn down the opportunity my jaw dropped, my eyebrows raised in astonishment, and for a moment I may have glimpsed a cartoon 'thought cloud' form above her head announcing that she finally realized that when you have brain surgery you really should slow down a bit.

As Karen continues to improve I've also been thinking over the past few days about the whole idea of odds and percentages. I'd like to think I am pretty tenacious in my pursuit of consistency. Whether it is in the context of politics, theology, or beer, I like to think that I'll be consistent in how I apply arguments, even to the point of having to make uncomfortable changes in beliefs or behaviors.

So as I was reflecting on the hurricane of emotions that was last week, I am pressed to apply my argument about odds and percentages consistently. As you may recall, I was significantly impacted by an article by John Piper called "Don't waste your cancer". For those of you who are interested you can read it here. (I'd encourage everyone to take a look. It's short but powerful).

In this article John Piper talks about the ten ways that a Christian can waste his cancer. In particular the third point struck me to the core. I think it had such a poignant impact because at that moment I was battling with the words of the surgeon after he had come down to talk about what he'd discovered during surgery. The words

"98% fatal ... Terminal ... 98% fatal ... Terminal ... 98% fatal ... Terminal ... 98% fatal ... Terminal ... 98% fatal ... Terminal ..."

kept pressing in on me. I knew that God could heal Karen but I also knew that these percentages were not pulled out of thin air. They were real and I had to come to terms with the reality of the situation.

When I read the following words, however, it was like a kick to my rear (uncomfortable but effective) ...

3. You will waste your cancer if you seek comfort from your odds rather than from God.

The design of God in your cancer is not to train you in the rationalistic, human calculation of odds. The world gets comfort from their odds. Not Christians. Some count their chariots (percentages of survival) and some count their horses (side effects of treatment), but we trust in the name of the LORD our God (Psalm 20:7). God’s design is clear from 2 Corinthians 1:9, “We felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.” The aim of God in your cancer (among a thousand other good things) is to knock props out from under our hearts so that we rely utterly on him.

I realized even before reading this that God is not bound by odds. He messes with the so called experts all the time and leaves them scratching their heads wondering what part of their calculous went wrong. But somehow the way Piper communicated this truth at that moment really provided me with a peace that carried me through until we got the news the next Thursday that Karen's cancer was not what they expected in the beginning. Her chances were now extremely good.

NOW FOR THE MOMENT OF CONSISTENCY

If I was not to put my hope in odds when it was 98 to 2 against Karen, should I now be putting my hope in odds when they are suddenly reversed in her favor? I'll admit that the good news did lift an enormous burden from my back and I finally felt myself breathing again. Nevertheless, at the moment the good news was delivered did I slip back into the trap of trusting in my odds rather than our Heavenly Father who seems to really get a kick out of frusterating the odds? I think I did to some extent.

Don't get me wrong. I am thankful for the new and promising prognosis. This is surely an answer to prayer. But I am reminded that I am required by the 9th commandment to be consistent in my thinking and more importantly to be consistent in my fidelity to Christ. My physical life remains in his hand, my spirtual life still rests in his finished work on the cross. Were do the odds come in then? I guess 'Odd' in this situation really should only be used to describe Karen's husband, and not her chances of survival. I'll leave Karens' future in bigger and beter hands than mine.