Sorry that it has been so long since we updated everyone. Our last few weeks have been so busy, and with my energy slightly improving each week, it's been easy to forget to keep our beloved friends and dear ones updated. You continue to be amazingly kind and generous to us with your love, prayers and generosity, and we can't be thankful enough!

Just a quick update on my progress: Due to the shock my body has taken from both the surgery and especially the radiation I have continued to lose weight these last few months, even though the rest of me seems to improve, especially my energy levels. I am starting to look pretty boney and my tiniest clothes are falling off. We don't have a scale at home (I've never liked weighing myself), so I used one while we were at my brother's house yesterday. I've lost another 5 lbs since my Feb. appt., and my total weight lost since November is about 15% of where I was in September. I certainly didn't mind losing some of my flab, but it's starting to get concerning. (People are noticing more b/c my Spring clothes are only 2 layers, in contrast to my 4 or 5 layers of bulky Winter clothing to stay warm!)

I'll be keeping better track of my food intake (which I thought had been sufficient up to this point) and meeting with the radiation doctor again at the end of this month. I'll have another (lengthy) full MRI appt. on April 20th and will touch base again around that time.

Thank you as always for your support and prayers. So very much appreciated!

A last minute addition to this entry before I send it off to the printers ... I seem to have gotten my full vocal range back. I surprised myself in the shower this morning with a chorus of loud "La La Las" and "Me Me Mees." This is an answer to prayer over the past few months and something I am really excited about.

As you may recall, just before I started radiation I had a CT scan of my abdomen to make sure that there wasn’t cancer that had spread outside my brain and spine. The only thing that turned up that the doctor commented on was a tiny spec on my lung. This is common and was unconcerning, but just to be careful we did another CT scan today to take a look and make sure that nothing had changed. It turned out that the experience was very uneventful. The injections of “contrast” into my blood stream did cause a hive to break out on my eyelid which was weird but also not uncommon. It went away after a few minutes and the rest of the experience doesn’t deserve much comment.

A radiologist compared today’s scan to the one done in November, and the comparison shows no concerns about the little spots on my lungs. Our nuero radiologist called them “scars” and said that they could have been caused by pneumonia, bronchitis, or an allergic reaction sometime in my past. Either way it is nothing related to my cancer and not a concern at all. I also found out that I have a freckle on my kidney, which it turns out is not abnormal in women.

As usual, we are so thankful for the support from you all, and primarily, we continually praise the Lord for His goodness and all that is teaching us through this time.

Other than these now infrequent scans and office visits, things are about the same around here. Just working at getting my energy back, hoping to have some hair before Spring arrives and it’s too warm to wear all these Winter hats anymore, =) and anxious for my 6 month date (March 14) so my driving and scheduling can get more back to normal. We'll have another MRI toward the end of Apil and will be sure to keep you updated between now and then.

Continuously appreciate your love and prayers.....kp

Would have loved to have an update for you, but someone accidentally cancelled my CT Scan appt., which we discovered when we arrived there in Walnut Creek. Grrr.... We'll have to drive out there again next Thursday morning. =P

All three kids got a bad cough this week, and today Hannah has a fever too. I'm praying I can avoid this one--that last cough I had was just miserable, and I'd love to steer clear of it!

I found a good scripture and short devotion this morning that was a great reminder to me:

For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain ... having a desire to depart and to be with Christ which is far better.
PHILIPPIANS 1:21,23

IF I were annihilated this moment, I should bless God for having been allowed to live. Far more, if I were to have to toil and suffer in this sorrowful but glorious earth-life through unnumbered ages, and the sorrow and suffering continued to bring the living life with it that it has brought, I would gladly accept sorrow and suffering here on earth. How much more, then, when I expect, and am sure, that a very few years more will place me with these precious life-powers in a world fitted for highest life, with life intensified, and all the pure great life of ages gathered there, besides those whom I have dearly loved. EDWARD THRING

This week has been filled with more blessings, at least in terms of slightly improved energy for me. I had to experience a couple long days alone with kids because of David's busy days away at work, and I managed to make it through the challenge okay.

I called the DMV and found out that there is nothing special on my record, which is also good news! I'll still be a good and obedient girl and not drive before March 14, the 6 month anniversary of my original ER visit. I can hardly wait! Last night was the last time I had to take my anti-seizure medicine, which I was slowly weaning off of (by doctor's orders) over the last couple of weeks. This means that as of today I am drug free!

This Thursday, March 1, I'll be heading in for another CT Scan to check out the little spot on my lung they found last October (which probably is nothing).

Hard to believe the first two months of 2007 are almost completed, and we can do nothing but continue to thank and praise the Lord for His tremendous blessings and providing for our family.

Love, Karen

Not a whole lot changed the following day (Wed. Feb 14) at our second doctor visit (which was another really wonderful one), except he felt it would be important to do another MRI in 2 months rather than 3 months, just to keep a closer eye on the spinal chord spots that are still there. I had a blood test the same day to check on some of my other slowly recovering symptoms (thyroid etc.) resulting from the radiation treatment, and we had no response back from that (which is a good thing!) Even though my energy still takes dives on some days, we're able to function pretty normally as a family each day. (I sure am anxious to drive again soon, though!)

On an interesting note, we got our new Blue Shield quarterly premium bill last week, and the amount had increased by 50%! We're perfectly willing and ready to pay it, especially to make sure our coverage continues, but for the interest of it I called the insurance broker who originally helped us sign up for it. Turns out the increase is because David turned 30 last month!!! Well, at least it's not my fault. (hee)

Thanks as always for your blessed prayers and support. We continue to be so very thankful.

Hello Everyone!

We have good news. Actually, to be precise our Nuero-oncologist said that the MRI results are "REALLY Good."

When the doctor reviewed the scan of Karen's brain he said that the radiation had done such a good job that he couldn't see any tumor in the scan. That is not to say that the cancer is totally gone, but the fact that he couldn't locate any is certainly something to thank God for!

In addition, most of the tumor that was in her spine has either reduced so that it is also unable to be seen or there is only residual left where there were pronounced nodules previously. There is only one nodule of any significance left and we are hoping that this will continue to reduce over the next few months.

Needless to say we are very happy and thankful. We are thankful to the doctors who have done such an excellent job, to all of you who have so consistently endured along with us, and to our God who has chosen to answer our petitions by continuing to heal and strengthen Karen. She continues to remain in his fatherly care, and he can use her as he sees fit, but at this moment we are all smiles.

In three months we'll go back in for another MRI to see how things are looking then. If the progress continues to be good then we'll probably only need to do MRIs every 6 months. This is a lot better than the 8 week interval we originally expected for the first year.

More good news is that the Doctor gave Karen the OK to start tapering off of her anti-seizure meds which means at the end of next week she won't be taking any medicine.

It also looks like we only have a few more tests to run as baselines to refer back to in the future and Karen hopefully won't even need to have blood drawn for a long time after that.

There's some other little stuff, but suffice it to say we are thrilled and thankful for Karen's current prognosis. Thank you all again for your faithful love and friendship!

Just a quick update about the latest. I did get my cysts removed last week! It was so easy in comparison to the last 5 months of events that David and I chuckled quite a bit throughout the quick process. I'll be getting the stitches out this Wednesday afternoon.

The MRI on Friday evening was a breeze, even though it lasted about 3 hours. It's not the most fun thing in the world, but it's rather relaxing compared to the head/face smashing that was my daily radiation for 7 weeks. David and I are anxious to see our doctor at UCSF tomorrow to show us the results.

We'll be sure to let everyone know right away what the update is tomorrow night. Thank you so much for your loving support and prayers, as always.

Sorry it has been so long since we updated you all. This past month has gotten busy with plenty of work stuff going on for both of us. There haven't been too many interesting updates about me, except perhaps that our whole family got really ill a couple of weeks ago and it hit me pretty hard. I am very slowly recovering from the 7 weeks of radiation treatment. I am completely bald (with minimal hair yet growing in), my voice (which was only whisper for a couple of weeks) comes back in a tiny bit more each day, my weakness still slows me down but gradual improvements are noticable week by week, and I'm still pretty dehydrated and drink water like crazy.

However, I do have so much to be thankful for. I have prayed often that the Lord will restore my singing voice and asked for humility in my ability to worship and praise His name again, and although it's very slow, He gradually restores it. My ability to think through things has improved quite a bit since September. I am able to function pretty normally with our 3 children again on a day-to-day basis. HUGELY, I have been overwhelmed by the immense graciousness, dedication, and generosity of our family and dear friends who have continued to help provide for us. I generally am a huge thankyou note writer :-) but have failed this year to directly thank the many loved ones for the precious gifts and incredible help. We thank the Lord often for you all - so tremendously grateful!

There is more interesting stuff coming up in the next two weeks. I have two large lumpy cysts on my head which are completely unrelated to the cancer, but being bald is a good time to have them removed. (Feb 7).

Feb 9th 6:30 - 10 p.m. : Follow-up MRI (of several more I'll be taking throughout the year)
Feb 13th : Appt. at UCSF with neuro-oncologist to see results
Feb 14th : Appt. in Walnut Creek with radiation oncologist to further discuss results.

Both oncologists are quite interested in seeing the results of the MRI (as are we!). They are both experts in the field, and have decades of experience between the two of them. I'm certain the meetings will be worthwhile.

We do hope for your prayers for the results, that the cancer in my head and spine will have reduced to nothing or next to it. Even if it doesn't, we trust in the Lord's will and His complete grace in loving and providing for us. We have been truly blessed and rely on Him completely for our next direction.

Love, Karen

Here's a quick update from Karen ...

Well, I've been struggling a lot this week with my cough, nose, difficult sleeping, and my back being more in pain each day from the coughing. Finally went to the doctor yesterday and had an emergency Xray squeezed in at 4:30 on a Friday afternoon! It was a possible cracked rib, lung problem, walking pneumonia, who knew. The great news is that I am normal inside, and I got some antibiotic for brochitis. They're not positive that's what I have, but I've been coughing nonstop for over a month, so it should help that. Got some other good coughing and nose medications too. I didn't feel any better last night, but I sure was happy! I slept a lot better, but my back and now my sides are still killing me. Hopefully I can loosen those up by moving around a bit today.

More good news--my voice is coming back! Just a tad bit more each day, but at least I can talk a bit now. I'm anxious to be able to sing again. Thank you all so much for your love and support.

Love, Karen

We all traveled up to Grass Valley where Karen's parents live and had a very nice Christmas all in all. As it happened, however, Christmas seems to have marked the lowest point in how Karen has felt since treatments started.

The good news is that today was the last of Karen's treatments and since yesterday she has been feeling a bit better each day. I've seen her smile more today than I have seen in far too long. Thank you all for your fervent prayers and steady affections. We are eagerly looking forward to Karen getting her voice and energy back. It looks as if she is headed in the direction of health.

I'll fill you all in early next week as to what the next steps are. We know there are MRI's, blood tests, and appointments but aside from that we will need to talk to both our John Muir and our UCSF doctors to determine the details.

We hope you all have a very happy new year!

Hi everyone. I just wanted to ask you all quickly for prayer. Karen, as you well know, has not really complained once during this whole process but last night her throat was so sore she was having a lot of difficulty even swallowing sips of water. She even sent out an email this morning asking for prayer for her throat which means she is truly concerned. Please pray that as we inch closer to the end of the radiation that her throat gets no worse and is able to heal quickly.

I spoke to the Radiation Oncologist today because Karen asked if we could postpone today's throat treatment. He said that at this point one more treatment will make no difference to her discomfort and that it is better that we just get it done and out of the way so she can heal. He will be providing some stronger pain medication today which he said should help.

Thank you all for your continued prayers on her behalf.

Dave

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever. Give thanks to the God of gods. His love endures forever. Give thanks to the Lord of lords: His love endures forever. To him who alone does great wonders, His love endures forever. Who by his understanding made the heavens, His love endures forever. Who spread out the earth upon the waters, His love endures forever. Who made the great lights-- His love endures forever. The sun to govern the day, His love endures forever. The moon and stars to govern the night; His love endures forever.

Psalm 136:1-9

If our perspective were limited to the discomforts that Karen experienced each day, then this week we would have had reason to fear the future. As would be expected this far into her treatments each day gets just a little bit harder than the day before. The ‘sunburn’ on her head, neck, back and chest continues to deepen. What little hair she still has continues to dutifully fall out each day. The battle with her gag reflex is constant from the time she wakes until her head hits the pillow. By the end of the day her voice just sort of gives out and stops working except for muffled whispers.

However, (and that is a very important conjunction) God has been gracious to give us a better perspective. The daily discomforts are not all there is to Karen’s story, and even in the midst of these pains and discomforts God still provides her with everything she needs to make it through each moment.

To talk this way runs the risk of sounding like trite Pollyannaish optimism. That really is not our perspective at all. The perspective that Karen and I have been given is earthy and uncomfortable on the one hand and satisfying and glorious on the other hand. As with much of the Christian view of things, life is full of perfectly fit together paradoxes. These aren’t irrational leaps of faith, but a salty realization that as creatures we don’t know everything and we won’t be privy to all the answers even in Glory.

So we are left with that rushing anxious sense that we are falling through life, but not toward the unknown. We are falling into the hands of Christ our redeemer. Trusting in him is not irrational it is the most sane decision anyone can choose to make. And this trust extends not simply to the saving of our souls for eternity but also to the daily ordinary earthly concerns that make up most days. So I hope that what might sound like a “make the best of it” optimism can instead be understood in light of this greater context.

First, we are encouraged by the knowledge that with the close of each treatment we are another step closer to concluding the whole process. There is an end in sight. Furthermore, we found out on Friday that rather than an additional eight days, Karen only has to do an additional five. The extra three treatments might sound trifling, but no one would want to get punched even one more time than necessary and the same goes for having radiation pointed at your body.

Secondly, we are reminded every so often that the diagnosis and prognosis three months ago was dire and that God has already demonstrated his fatherly care in continuing to provide us with healing and a steady diet of good news. Things could be a lot worse, they appeared that way in the beginning, and we are glad that that was not the path God chose to have us walk right now.

Finally, we know that God is orchestrating this situation for his own good purposes. Though we don’t know why he needed to ordain things to come to pass exactly this way we are satisfied knowing that it is his hands that are fashioning our story.

We are very thankful that her last day will be the 26th of this month and that her complete healing can then begin. We are also looking forward to finding ways to bless you all. I shake my head in amazement daily at the truly remarkable generosity that you have all shown to us. I really do hope you all know how thankful we are for you. I know that you do not desire to receive anything in return for your kindness, but it will be nice to find ways to bless you all as the weeks, months and years wax on.

Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous; it is fitting for the upright to praise him. Praise the Lord with the harp; make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre. Sing to him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy. For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does.
Psalm 33:1-4

It is true that God is faithful in all that he does. We are thankful that this week began and ended with him demonstrating his faithfulness to us with answered prayers.

The week began with what we thouhgt would be another 4 hour MRI. As we prepared for the MRI we were concerned that Karen continue to have the terrible coughing and gagging during the MRI that have plagued her for the past few weeks. We were also concerned that laying on her back for all that time would be extremely painful particularly for her head which is very sensative right now. So we prayed, as many of you were as the week began.

I was surprised to get a call from Karen a full hour and a half before she was supposed to be done. Somehow the MRI technician was able to get her in and out of the machine in two and a half hours. Better yet Karen only coughed once and her head felt good the whole time.

The week ended a few hours ago as we recieved really good news from the radiation oncologist Dr. Massullo after he got the results of the MRI. The tumor is responding extremely well to the radiation. The tumor in Karen's brain has not grown at all or moved into the cavity created by the surgery. Furthermore the tumor in her lumbar region has all but disapeared leaving only some residual scarring where the tumor was. There is only residual tumor left in her thoracic and cervical regions as well.

Needless to say, we are very happy and very thankful.

Thank you all for your consistent prayers.

I just want to let you all know that Karen will be going in for another 4 hour MRI tomorrow (Monday). Karen will not be having her radiation treatment tomorrow. In light of the radiation she's been going through she's actually looking forward to haveing the day off. I guess that's why I haven't written to you all earlier about this.It's amazing how one's perspective can change.

Please pray that Karen will not cough too much during the MRI; given the sensativity of her throat right now the results of this could make a big mess in a multi million dollar machine.

Also please pray that her head will not hurt to much having to lay there for so long.

We continue to be ever thankful for your prayers and support.

Karen is continuing to do well and her spirits remain high but that is in spite of the fact that she feels, as she calls it “puny” all the time. She’s running a discomfort marathon of sorts, punctuated by intermittent obstacle courses of gagging and clogged drains. The gagging is due to the radiation causing her throat to become very sensitive and sore. The clogged drains are due to the chunks of hair that are falling out through the day. Through it all Karen continues to be as steady as ever. I catch myself shaking my head in amazement sometimes. I'm not so sure I'd be so steady.

I did take some pictures to try to give you all a better idea what Karen experiences each day.

This is a picture of Karen after she's just gotten suited up before treatment.

This is a picture right after Karen took a shot of "soothing citrus" chloraseptic to help sooth her throat. That turned out to be a bad idea. She hasn't done that since.

This is a picture of the radiation machine. the big arm actually swings around to shoot at different parts of the patients body.

This is a picture of Karen laying face down on the radiation machine. The techs are maching laser lights that are projected from the walls with tatoos on Karens back and with marks on Karen's helmet. In this picture you can see the helmet that is locked onto the table. There are marks on the helmet on masking tape that show you exactly where the radiation is projected. You can also see one of the lasers on the far wall that projects the lines onto her back thatthe techs use to line her up with the machine.

After the treatment yesterday I took Karen out to a matinee. We went to see “Stranger than Fiction”. It’s the new Will Farrell movie billed as a romantic comedy. I personally thought that the movie was great. The characters were very interesting, the plot was creative and captivating, and the themes that the movie explored were very appropriate to what we are experiencing right now. The movie dealt with the question of tragedy in life. It made me think again about how we try to make sense of suffering.

As we explain the pains and discomforts that Karen is experiencing I hope that you are all putting these things into context in at least two ways. The first is that it is important to see these things in contrast to what Christ had to suffer. What he suffered he did so willingly as a righteous man., What we suffer we do so as guilty men who in our hearts beat our chests and ask “why?!” deceiving ourselves that we deserve better than what we’re getting.

Secondly, we must appreciate that this pain and suffering is part of the great story of history that God is breathing out over time. All of its comedy as well as its tragedy are perfectly placed. He is the master author and we are the characters that he loves. That he loves his people means that the tragedy is not capricious, mean or pointless. That we are characters means that we are his creation and we are not privy to know all the reasons why he has written our particular parts the way he has. We can be confident, however, that for those who love him, when we are finally able to look back at the whole story we’ll see that each part of the plot was necessary to make it truly beautiful.

Again I saw something meaningless under the sun: There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. "For whom am I toiling," he asked, "and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?" This too is meaningless-- a miserable business! Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:7-12

I know that I've been slow to update the blog this week. Last week went quite well, but the past three days have really begun to show how progressively more difficult the radiation will be. One of the nurses compared radiation to a bruise that is hit each day. The first part of the treatment is not that noticeable but as the radiation continues to hit the tissue it becomes more and more sensitive and the effects become further pronounced.

While the Zofran has taken the bulk of the nausea away, this week nausea has continued to haunt her and she’s never felt quite right. That culminated last night in the sink (if you catch my not so subtle inference).

This morning she’s doing better in that regard, but the new symptom that popped up on Sunday was a chronic sore throat. This is not, as some of you may be guessing, a result of a suppressed immune system. In fact, the radiation should not (and has not to date) had any significant impact on her white blood cell count. The sore throat is due to the radiation being given to her spine that reaches through to the soft tissue in her throat and makes it feel like she has a perpetual cold.

Her hair is still hanging on though. The only potential precursor to her losing her glory is that her scalp has started to feel tender and itchy.

So let’s sum up …

• Nausea
• Chills
• Fatigue
• Sore Throat
• Headache
• Dry Mouth
• Itchy and sensitive scalp
  

If I didn’t know better I’d diagnose her symptoms as the perfect storm of a flu, a cold and dandruff. At least this is all temporary.

There has been some good news this week. The 2nd opinion pathology report came back yesterday and the good news is that the Mayo Clinic pathologists concur that the cancer is indeed Tanycytic Ependymoma. We are thankful for that because it means that we are still dealing with a typically manageable cancer.

Also, Karen had her teeth cleaned recently because radiation can induce an environment conducive to cavity creation. I am proud to announce that she came away with a clean bill of dental health.

In the midst of the chronic discomfort that Karen is experiencing all of this is made bearable as we see God’s grace extended toward us daily in your love and generosity. Your love toward us was astounding when this all began happening, but more than two months later you continue to stand by us and it’s this consistent care that gives a fullness to the concept of “long-suffering.” Thank you all for your continued prayer and support.

“Oh give thanks to the Lord, call upon his name; Make known his deeds among the peoples. Sing to him, sing praises to Him; Speak of all His wonders. Glory in his holy name; let the heart of those who seek the Lord be glad”

1 Chronicles 16:8-10

There are many reasons for us “to give thanks to the Lord” not the least of which is that today was another good day for Karen. Compared to this past Thursday when the thought of six weeks full of days like that one was too much for Karen to bare, today was an utter joy.

In the passage above the Psalmist tells us to “make known his deeds among the peoples”. It’s natural for those who are familiar with the history of how God has been saving and protecting his people throughout history for grand images to come to mind when we think of “his deeds.” The parting of the Red Sea and Esther’s rescuing of Israel from holocaust are beautiful pictures of how God extends his grace to those he loves. The chief picture of God’s great love, of course, was demonstrated when he sent his only son to suffer the indignities of the cross and ultimately to die, not for his own sins, but for those for whom he loves.

It is interesting, however, that the “deeds” of God are not restricted to those of magnificent proportions. God is at the bottom of even the smallest of events that takes place. As the Psalmist says elsewhere:

“Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? If I
ascend to heaven you are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, behold you are there.
If I take the wings of the dawn, if I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
even there Thy hand will lead me and thy right hand will lay hold of me.” Psalm
139:7-10.

I imagine that for some people the idea that we are unable to escape God’s hands might sound threatening or dangerous or like our rights to autonomy are somehow being violated. But for those who God has graciously called and who rest in Christ’s work on the cross, the idea that there is no place we can go to escape from God’s hands becomes a comfort. What child would want to run from the loving arms of a protecting father?

It is remarkable to consider that all the things God has done for Karen, though seemingly small in the grand sweep of history, are in reality some of the many wonderful deeds that the Psalmist commends us to “make known … among the peoples.”

“Let the heart of those who seek the Lord be glad”

The urgency of crisis has long since passed and has been replaced by the more subtle reminders that pop up at intervals throughout the day reminding us that life is moving forward but doesn’t look normal at all. The extremes of crisis make great fodder for writing and are also a sure fire remedy for writers block. Not long before Karen’s emergency I joked that the best artists are malcontent and deeply troubled. The tension in a life full of darkness and struggle tends to force one to confront the difficult subjects that the normal person rarely thinks about amidst the many distractions that lay within reach of the typical modern.

I don’t believe that I have ever been a malcontent and I don’t possess any allusions that this blog will find itself on a shelf next to any great author. I do, however, understand how a crisis can arouse in a person a sensitivity to these deeper themes. Now that the sense of crisis is gone, though, I find that the words don’t flow quite as easily.

So as we were chatting at dinner tonight about how things are going I asked if she would say a few words to you all. So here goes.

-------

My dearest husband has made quite an impression on you all (and me too!) with his delightful writing abilities. Mine aren't nearly as entertaining, but here goes...

I am really grateful that the radiation treatment only takes between 10 and 20 minutes now, rather than the 30+ minutes during the 2 days of preparation that were so intense they left me in tears. It’s getting easier now to make it through the daily struggle because the time with my face smashed on the table has been getting shorter as the days go on. I work hard to keep my focus elsewhere during the radiation. By occasionally closing my jaw I can move the pressure on my face from one part to another. Swallowing is also difficult so as the machine moves from one field to another I do my best to swallow a bit.

I also try to make the time pass by counting during each portion of the radiation treatment. So far it appears that I can count to around 30 for each side of my head and around 60 for both the top and bottom of my spine.

The best part is that when it’s all over my forehead and cheeks have large unattractive red indentations that remain prominently displayed for about an hour afterward. Thankfully the office is filled with a delightful and loving group of doctors, nurses and technicians. Yesterday I was getting really anxious as we drove to the appointment. I thought for sure I’d need to take some anti-anxiety medicine in order to make it through, but surprisingly after I got to the radiation center the staff there were so loving I was able to make it through without drugs and it was the easiest time yet.

Overall I'm happy to say that today (Tuesday) is the first day since I started on Thursday that I haven't been feeling pretty yucky. I can only hope that each of the next several days are like today...I want to let you all know how amazed I am by your devotion, prayers and generosity. Endless thank yous to you all!

Today was Karen's first radiation treatment. The actual treatment went much better than the planning session yesterday. The primary reason for this was that it was much shorter.

Karen decided not to use the anti anxiety meds that the doctor had recommended that she try because she really wasn’t anxious about the procedure and it hadn’t helped the day before. Instead she tried a Vicadin to try to cut the pain a bit. In the end she doesn't think the vicadin helped so my guess is that tomorrow she'll be goin' hippie and not using any drugs at all. Actually, I guess that means that she'd be goin' anti hippie ... now I'm confused. Do hippies use drugs or not? Do they avoid legal drugs and only use illicit substances? Maybe they avoid drugs developed by corporations and stick to cottage industry “remedies.” In any case, since tomorrow’s procedure should be even shorter she doesn’t think she’ll need anything for the pain.

Unfortunately, a few hours after we got back from the hospital Karen started feeling really nauseous and got progressively worse as the day dragged on. She got many of the symptoms of a flu: vomiting, headache, chills, fatigue etc. When things didn’t get better on their own I called the radiation folks and asked them what we should do. They were really great and got a prescription sent over right away to our pharmacist. The good news is that the stuff that they prescribed is the best anti nausea medicine available today and that it worked really well. The bad news is that they only prescribe 2 pills at a time and the cost for each pill could provide your local yuppie (not to be confused with hippie) with fresh brewed Starbucks for about five weeks. (No joke).

I have to say, that at least for tonight it was worth the cost. Karen almost immediately felt better and as of about two minutes ago only had a light headache. She even ate the grilled cheese sandwiches I made for dinner! If that isn’t evidence of her dramatic turn around then I don’t know what would be. :)

As always thank you for your continued prayers.

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.
Ephesians 2:4-7

I’ve been told that many of you have been tapping your fingers impatiently on your desks waiting for an update on Karen. I am sorry to have waited so long but a lot happened this week and so I wanted to wait until we got to the end of it to let you all know what is going on.

On Wednesday we went to the initial consult with the radiation oncologist in Walnut Creek (John Muir Medical Center) where Karen will be getting her radiation treatments. This location is much closer to us than UCSF and was highly recommended by the team in San Francisco. Our radiation oncologist there has been in the business for decades and is very experienced and self described as “pedantic.” He said this is a good trait in a radiation oncologist considering he’s going to be pointing radiation at Karen’s head and spine and could paralyze her if he doesn’t pedantically plan the dosage and angles.

This appointment, as most are, was punctuated by many periods of waiting. As I’d forgotten to bring some reading material I was entertained as we moved from room to room by the different reading material that was made available in the form of thousands of magazines. As we entered another waiting area I reached over and started rummaging through one of the stacks. I quickly passed over “Vogue” and “Bay Area Mother” and picked up “The Economist.”

On of the articles that caught my eye (to no one’s surprise) was a feature on a very successful executive who had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and who, together with his wife, co-authored a book about his experiences over the next 6 months until his death. I’ll admit that I didn’t have the opportunity to read the whole article, but what I did read got me to thinking. This admittedly successful man handled his cancer and his imminent death with what anyone would call a kind of calm and purpose. However, I was primarily interested in how this man turned to meditation as a means of calming himself and remaining focused as he entered his last days of life.

This interested me because it got me to thinking about how Karen has viewed her “spirituality” in the context of her cancer. Meditation, as I understand it is practiced by most westerners today, is primarily about clearing ones mind and focusing one’s attention on a specific thought. I asked myself, “what was this man focusing his attention on? Did the object of his meditation really matter? Was all that mattered that he found it helpful? How does his experience in turning to meditation compare and contrast with how Karen is dealing with her own cancer?”

These series of questions reminded me of something I wrote early on in the blog as I wrote about faith. I talked about how the most vital part of faith is what you are placing your faith in. As I read about how this very successful, driven, thoughtful executive turned to meditation the fundamental question remained the same. What was he meditating ON? What was the object of his meditation?

John Calvin talks about something similar in his Institutes. In chapter 4 he is discussing how the natural and inescapable nature of man is to smother and corrupt their knowledge of God. Unless God reaches down, interferes in our lives, and changes our hearts, no one would want to seek after God to discover who he is as he has revealed HIMSELF. In this context he writes:

“Indeed, vanity joined with pride can be detected in the fact that, in seeking God, miserable men do not rise above themselves as they should, but measure him by the yardstick of their own carnal stupidity, and neglect sound investigation; thus out of curiosity they fly off into empty speculation.

They do not apprehend God as he offers HIMSELF, but imagine him as they have fashioned him in their own presumption.

When this gulf opens, whatever direction they move their feet they cannot but plunge headlong into ruin. Indeed, whatever afterwards they attempt by way of worship or service of God, they cannot bring as tribute to HIM, for they are worshiping not God but a figment and dream of their own heart.”

As I think about the many things God has done for our family I am utterly speechless. By his grace he has showered his mercy on our family and opened our eyes that we might see him as he has revealed himself. Karen and I thank him that he is continuing to wash away the residue of our own presumption, speculation and stupidity. We know that he is using this time of struggle as a means of refining us so that as we meditate on his word, THE Word, our meditation has the express purpose of bringing into more vivid focus the awesome character of our saving God.

When the doctor finally met us in the conference room, most of the information he gave us was basically the same as what the radiation oncologist in SF gave us. It was interesting, though, to see the nuances of difference in the way he presented the info and what bits he gave us that the other specialist didn’t. I also cracked a smile when toward the end of the meeting he asked us if his plan was different in any way than what would have been prescribed at UCSF. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at this friendly professional comparison. All in all the meeting went well and Karen was in good spirits.Thursday we drove to San Francisco (UCSF) to have a CaT scan done of Karen's chest, abdomen and pelvis. Our Neuro Oncologist ordered up this CaT scan as a conservative precaution to make sure that the cancer had not spread to the rest of Karen’s body. The CaT scan was a totally different experience than the MRI. It was extremely fast and she didn’t even have to disrobe. I don’t think she was in the machine more than 10 minutes from start to finish. The good news is that we got a call from the doctor yesterday and after reviewing the CaT scans there does not appear to be any cancer in her body except for her brain and spine. No surprises there.

Though Wednesday and Thursday were filled with lot’s of doctors and nurses they were both pretty easy days. Friday’s appointment was of quite a different character. We went back to John Muir for the radiation "planning session." This became another one of those moments that drives reality home regarding how hard the next 6 weeks are going to be.

The purpose of this appointment was to get her body oriented in the machine. They had her lay face down on the bed of the radiation machine with her face pressed against an apparatus used to hold her head still. A plastic mold was form fitted to the back of her head to additionally secure her body from moving. Her head, was thus, squeezed in a kind of vice grip.

Unfortunately this important and necessary apparatus used to prevent her from moving, squeezed her face so hard that it was almost unbearable. It was all she could do to keep from breaking down into tears because of the pain. The physical pain was only made worse by the mental strain of trying desperately not to cry for fear that if she did she’d move and mess the process up and she’d have to stay trapped in this device longer. So Karen fought back the tears and tried her best to bear up under the pain.

I had no idea this was going on in the room next door. I was content to have my attention bounce back and forth between my book on President Andrew Jackson, the “Today show” that was playing on the TV above me, and the small sea of seemingly happy cancer patients that surrounded me. I was not all that concerned that Karen would be in discomfort because every indication we’d been given up to this point was that the process would be painless.

Apparently the pain that Karen experienced is unusual. The technicians explained that it was due to the fact that she has so little “padding” on her body. The technicians tried to encourage her by praising her for how easy it was for them to “find her spine.” I guess the obesity epidemic in the U.S. has real implications on the ability of radiation technicians to efficiently do their job. So as the moments elapsed Karen tried desperately to control her emotions. As the process came to an end Karen finally broke down into tears as the technicians informed her that though the future sessions would be shorter, that if the first session was painful they would all be just as painful.

As I looked up from my book and saw her walking toward me the first thing I noticed as she entered the waiting room was how pink and puffy her face looked. I furrowed my brows quizzically trying to process what that actually indicated. Had she simply fallen asleep or had she been crying? Then I noticed her eyes. It wasn’t really the fact that they too were pink and puffy that clued me in. Honestly, they acted for a moment like the proverbial “windows into the soul” I could just tell as I looked into them that something was really not right.

The pain had triggered the weight of reality to further press down on her and this produced more tears, I think, than the pain did. Waves of emotion passed over her throughout the rest of the appointment but the storm did calm as the day progressed. Mike and Michelle flew in that morning to spend the weekend with us and their arrival provided the perfect distraction to help Karen put the morning behind her.

Before we left the appointment, our doctor informed us that next Wednesday will be the follow-up planning session. This will entail Karen laying on that same contraption while they take Xrays of the exact locations on her brain and spine that will be radiated. This is a dry run that will allow the doctor to see the precise location where the radiation will go. He’ll be able to further refine the radiation plan including dosage and angles to make sure the plan is perfect before they actually start the radiation treatments the next day. Please pray that this goes quickly because it could drag on and every moment in that contraption is truly agonizing.

Also, as I mentioned in a previous blog entry, our oncologist is having the pathology of the tumor reviewed again. He wants a second opinion to confirm tanacytic ependymoma. Thus he has sent the sample away to Mayo Clinic to be reviewed by a totally new set of pathologists. We won’t hear back on this for about another two weeks.

In the mean time, as Karen begins radiation next week, we ask that you continue to pray for Karen. Please pray for the pain she experienced while being strapped down, for effectiveness of the treatments and for no long term side effects.